It’s personal…homesick for Eden…
So, this Holy Yoga thing. It’s personal. Today is my birthday – the big 3-9. About a
year ago I made
On this birth day of mine, I decided I needed to connect
some words to my Why.
In order to get the good out of it, I need to lace it in
with meaning. There’s backstory needed
though, to communicate my truth at all.
A big chapter in my story has indeed been this body of
mine. At one point I would have said
“it has caused a lion’s share of trouble in my existence”. I stopped thinking that way a long time ago though.
It’s always, from birth, been
quirky. This not quite functioning right, that not quite looking right, this
painful, that restricted. Without getting too off topic in explaining
why, suffice it to say there’s randomness in my genetic code that splashed an
array of issues to the corners of my physical body.
But, God is wildly in love
with me AND my body and has been on a redemptive warpath to claim it for Good
and Glory.
He wasn’t content to let it
remain relegated to avoidance and tolerance at best, punishment at worst.
For me, the process of
straightening this out was very spiritual.
It came through spiritual direction sessions and in the form of an
invitation to feel a sense of “homecoming” within myself. A safe center, the space knit-in with Holy
Spirit presence, with which to dwell and
abide- spiritually and physically. I
knew I needed to work on holistic all-inclusive self-acceptance if this was
going to be possible. Including this
body, this would-be Temple.
I’m homesick, God, for your salvation;I love it when you show yourself!
Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well,
use your decrees to put iron in my soul. – Psalm 119
use your decrees to put iron in my soul. – Psalm 119
In both his books Homesick for
Eden and Falling for God, Gary Moon invites this consideration of Eden as our
intended dwelling place:
“Because
he is a community of compassion, love is our natural habitat. He wired us to feel at home in a place like
the Garden of Eden, which literally means “pleasure” or “delight” He programmed
each of us for intimate connection.” (2004, Moon)
How many of us can say that our inner worlds are a landscape
of love and grace and acceptance? My bet
is not many if we asked our most hidden corners. Most of us have too many measuring sticks,
too much “pleasing, perfection, performance” action going to keep fertile soil
of warm acceptance and “all is well” accessible.
So, through different prayer
efforts and lots and lots of journaling, I began to see my body as on my side,
doing the best it could to be the instrument I needed it to be…a pretty darn good job at that if I were
honest. It occurred to me [why this was
such a revelation, I am not sure – but it was a novel shift] that the more I
appreciated and honored and cared for my body, the better things felt, went,
improved experimentally for me. As I went this direction, I began to realize
how wise and worthy my body was, how able it was to tell me what it needed and
to offer me what I needed.
It was like the blessing
storehouse doors blew wide open and homecoming was tasted, experienced, relished.
But importantly, I learned this needed to be cultivated. Like Manna.
Every day tended to, gathered, experienced.
For the homecoming that was mine yesterday was no longer accessible. Only the homecoming I cultivate today satisfies.
Somewhere along the way, it was recommended
I practice yoga to help my joint and muscle issues. It really really really helped. Then, this second storehouse door blew open
when I realized I could bring Jesus right into the center of the yoga practice
that had so sincerely helped my physical body.
It’s hard to describe the
manifest Presence that I learned to practice
and cultivate.
This whole issue of my own inner
havoc, so beautifully sung by Audrey Assad in You Speak “you liberate me….from my
own noise and my own chaos…from the chains of the lesser love…you set me free…”
This issue
of “ I cant hear what I need to hear from God for my gravitational pull
to to-do’s and stresses and compulsions” was
blown away with strategy
and tools and MERCY.
“We use our powerful God-tools for smashing
warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God,
fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life
shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every
obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.” – 2 Cor.
10:4-6 Message
So, now I am in this Holy
Yoga community of like-minded sisters pursuing the Beloved and allowing
ourselves to be thoroughly pursued by the Beloved. It. Is. So. Good.
I still have to put my false self in check, always will this side
of heaven. Still have to fit my “every
loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by
Christ” . Still have to remember
it is NOT about progress in the asanas (poses) (which is hard sometimes when I have
to accept limitations and see other’s asana
practice seemingly so effortless and unencumbered) – that is just a byproduct that
may or may not happen.
It is about Homecoming. Every day. It is about giving my
body what it needs, trying not to take
from it what I can extract for shell-ish identity accolades. It’s about showing up as-is and being brave
enough to let that be enough. Because Jesus takes up where I leave off.
Come practice Presence any time you feel drawn to…check out
the offerings at Holy Yoga
at Jordan Stones. I would adore to
have you with me.
“The Silence that
comes after the chaos is pregnant with the presence of God” – R. H. Barton
Comments
Post a Comment